Running Towards her FUTURE Self | Rylee aka RYEROAST

What would you do if you were thrown into the throes of depression, anxiety, and PTSD, all while pursuing a demanding career in the medical field? Our guest Rylee, a military medic and social media influencer, asked herself this very question. Her answer? Face the battles head-on, amplify emotional intelligence, and harness the power of a growth mindset. Rylee's journey, though marked with challenges, is nothing short of inspiring.

Rylee's candid conversation about her invisible wounds of PTSD,  born out of an abusive relationship, resonates with many. Her love language of gift-giving and a conscious effort to make others feel significant, are her ways to make this world less lonely. Her childhood coping mechanism of running – both away from difficulties and towards personal development, make for an intriguing listen.

As we walk with Rylee towards her passion for women's health, we learn what made her so committed to the cause. She offers a heartfelt story about the moment she learned the skill of detachment and how she uses her platform to reach out to others. Despite past hardships, Rylee maintains an uplifting positivity, finding solace in an unusual habit, and paying forward the knowledge she has gained. Her story is not just about surviving; it's about thriving and passing the torch of resilience to others.

BIO: Rylee is a young service member serving in the medical career-field. Additionally, she is a social media influencer with over 550k followers and leverages that platform to discuss life, mentorship, mental health awareness, and domestic abuse awareness with a goal to motivate and empower all military members.

Show Notes

Intro 00:00 – 03:10 Rylee That was a great quote, that was actually a really good quote. All my friends last night were commenting, don't forget me when you're famous.

On paying out of pocket to attend a Professional Development Conference
03:41 - 04:20 Rylee I did, yeah.I don’t get opportunities like this often.I have this platform, followers and I have this stuff, but it's not very often that I actually get asked to be at certain things so when it came down to it and I found out that I was going to have to pay out of pocket because it wasn't going to be funded I just decided to do it so it was for me and for my future and for being able to meet everybody and get new connections and everything it was worth it. It was so worth it.

Where Rylee’s growth mindset stems from
04:43 - 05:16 Rylee I saw something the other day and it said that there's people that the military need and there's people that need the military and I kind of waver in between those two. I haven't known anything besides the military. I was 17 years old when I joined. The military has raised me and turned me into the person that I am today, so I just, that mindset just kind of comes from that. I don't know anything besides the military, so I've just grown with it.

Sharing personal story about her DAD
05:28 – 06:31 Rylee Yeah, my dad raised me as a single father. I grew up with my dad, my mother, and then my older sister. And my mom suffers from some mental health issues. And for... everyone's well-being, I was taken and moved in with my dad. We live together. My dad is a police officer. He's retired now and I lived with my grandma part time because my dad worked about an hour away. He would travel back and forth just to take me to school. So that was obviously like being grown now and being able to see that. The things that my dad did for me are just, there's no words for it. When I was I think I was 14 when my dad remarried my stepmom, and now I have two little brothers. They're six and about to be four, I don't say their names online, but I say Bubby and Googs. Yeah, my dad was very much tough love growing up

As a daughter of a single dad, how that shaped who she is today and her mom being in the picture
06:38 - 08:18 Rylee I think it gave me a lot of toughness. Not that I can say that people don't have that certain type of strength, but I really was taught to be independent and that no one is going to provide for yourself besides you. No one is also going to care about yourself more than you. I turned 16 and my dad slid me a card and he said, congratulations, go buy your groceries. Go get a job. I bought my very first car when I was 16. I was working full time at 17. I was working before school and after school. I paid for everything. My dad made me learn how to change a tire on my car before I was even able to be in the car. Going to kind of go back or just dig a little bit deeper on this. Her father, my Grampy, he ended up having cancer. I can't remember what type, but it, it metastasized and went throughout his entire body. He ended up passing away. When I was in the second grade, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She had endometrial cancer, which ended up spreading throughout her reproductive system. She ended up having like a full hysterectomy. She was young. She was like 30 something And she just she never was the same after that. So she began her own mental health struggles and my mom and dad the relationship wasn't great growing up. It was fine until the cancer and then she got the cancer and then it's kind of like everything had changed.

Impact on Emotional Intelligence, ability to emotionally connect with people, and trust
08:30 - 10:17 Rylee I can't necessarily say that it was a positive outcome, if that makes any sense. I... Don't, I tend to distance myself from people. I don't get connected very easily like yes Like I have friends and I have my family and I have my close inner circle, but everything is very inner circle. I Bury a lot of stuff deep down obviously now that like I'm You know, a little bit older. I know like that's not like the best for me But just some of the things that I saw growing up. I know that I never want for myself I never want any hypothetical future children to see my future partner. I don't want them to see that. Building, Building, Building until I get to the boil over. And then it's too much. Something happens. It's whatever. I suffer, so I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. I have depression. I have PTSD. I have a couple different things and I've just found that being able to have a person that knows what I'm going through is better for me for them to be able to see some signs that maybe I don't even see in myself.

Where PTSD stems from
10:38 - 13:52 Rylee The PTSD stems from an abusive relationship that I was in just about two years ago. Yeah I was in an abusive relationship. It was the first ever relationship that I was in. I got into the relationship when I turned 19 and I got out when I was 20. I was just shy of turning 21. I was a couple weeks away from turning 21. It was controlling. It was full of narcissism and just, Abuse just beyond the level that you could expect was what I had experienced. And the final boiling point that it had gotten to was that he was out of town and he had made a comment about what I was wearing. It was a blue outfit and he had made a comment about it and he wasn't home. So I had called my best friend out like outside on the patio. And I said, there's no way that he can know what's going on. There's no way that he knows what I'm wearing. Went back inside, started, you know, digging around the room. I'm still on the phone with her. Picked up a bear that was sitting next to the TV. A bear that he had gifted me for, it was that past Valentine's Day. And I kind of zoomed in on the eye. I'm still on FaceTime with her and I...I zoomed in on the eye, and I had made the joke about like the nanny camera, like ooooh, like there's a camera, like whatever, and I threw the bear on the bed, and then I went to pick up the next stuffed animal, which was also gifted by him, and when I picked it up, it had snagged on the wall. All, like, that next, like, ten seconds is very, I think just everything happened so quickly, and my mind couldn't, like, Keep up with what was actually happening. It snagged on the wall. I saw the wire. I saw the stuffing I turned it over and I saw that the eye it was the looking at it. It was the right eye had been cut out of the stuffed animal and My friend is like yelling at me on the phone unplug it just like unplug the camera I unplugged it and it was at that moment that my ex had texted me, oh look you caught on, bravo. So he was watching me. He had been watching me for what I later ended up finding out to be about a month and a half. He Had watched me search the bedroom for this camera. He had seen all of that and He willingly made the choice to cut open this stuffed animal and put a camera in it to watch. It felt Like forever. It from the moment that I had pulled it up to when I realized that there was a cord to like flipping it over and seeing like the stuffing that was out on the ground to like hearing her and like. Coming back into reality, hearing her yell like unplug the camera, to getting that text message. It was so much in such like 10 seconds. It was so much to just process.

What society can do to heal INVISIBLE WOUNDS
14:11 – 15:27 Rylee I think just knowing the signs. I...I suffered greatly. I became suicidal afterwards. I didn't, I didn't want to continue what I was doing. I was burnt out from work. I was the sole medic for my team for two providers. I was, I was tired and I was exhausted. And it was at that time that, you know, I just kind of stopped caring. I stopped eating. I was sleeping every single chance that I could. I had no energy. I care about myself. I get ready for myself. I like to make myself look good. I stopped doing my hair for work. I stopped putting makeup on. I didn't care. And it was only to the point where I had stepped on the scale and I realized that I was about 96 pounds that I realized. Genuinely, how sick I was, I had stopped eating. I just I stopped caring completely. My anxiety was through the roof. I was a nonfunctioning human. I was having panic attacks every, every day, multiple times a day. I was very unwell.

Specific action or comment that friend, coworker, or random stranger made that helped
15:28 – 16:27 Rylee I think just knowing that I had people there for me, I, I was almost embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know what I had been going through because I had been telling my best friend and one of my coworkers, it was a nurse that I had worked with, I'd been telling them about, you know, kind of like what was happening in the relationship, like the, the controlling behavior, the, the untrusting behavior. I've, I had told all of these things and both of them were older than me and they were like, Hey, like this really, this isn't normal. Like what you're going through isn't normal. And I think afterwards and just hearing them say like, Hey, like we are here for you and we're proud that you were able to do that. And just knowing that they were there and could see was, it was comforting in a way.

Advice and Thoughts on how to make people significant in a crowded yet lonely world
16:30 – 17:25 Rylee My love language is gift giving. That is my, that's my love language. I love watching people open up something and everything that I do, and I, I say this all the time in my classroom, is that everything I do is with intention. I teach with intention. I do certain things for intention. Everything I do is intentional. So, being able to do that for other people, something small, a note, a post it note, hey, you're doing great. I see you. Stuff like that, to me personally, is so meaningful to me. It goes above and beyond anything else. Just someone really being able to see you.

Childhood coping method she unknowingly developed only to realize now that it’s not normal
17:45 – 18:39 Rylee I think at the time, and I think that I can say that I've kind of outgrown it, but I used to run away from things. If my parents were fighting in front of me, if something was happening, I would run away. I would just disappear. If I was being accused of things in that relationship, if something were happening, I would run away. I got to the point where I was like, it's too much, I can't handle it, I don't want to be here. And I would run away. I can thankfully say that I've outgrown that and I face things head on now, even if it sucks, but I deal with it. And yeah, it took a while and a lot of therapy to realize these things.

What Rylee is running from and running towards
18:42 – 19:39 Rylee I'm... Running towards my future self. I am so focused on myself that I don't have time. And I think that this is really the first time in my life that I've ever cared about myself more than other people. And I'm not saying that in a selfish way as in like, oh, like I don't care about you or like I don't care about what's happening. But like I said, and I tell this to my students too, that no one is going to care about yourself more than you. No one is going to care about yourself more. No one is going to care about your career more than yourself. And I say that all the time, that in the military, you have to have a certain level of selfishness, because you are the person that's going to get yourself there. So I think this is the first time that I've really, like, sat back and been focused on myself. What am I running away from? Bills. I’m paying them, but I hate them. It’s terrible.

Describing Future Self and where she falls on the vulnerable versus thick skin continuum
19:42– 21:18 Rylee She's happy. She is healthy. She is... Thriving and she's with Beau, my dog. He's about to be three. Yeah, I should have brought him. He would have just sat in here and chilled. With Beau. Beau's going to be by my side, my travel companion, my soul dog, everything there. And I'm going to be doing great things.What I'll be actively doing, I don't know. Whether I'll be commissioned, whether I'll be Enlisted still. I know I'm staying in the military. The military's done so many great things for me. But, we'll see. The other day, someone had called me sensitive. Someone had called me sensitive, and I was sitting with my best friend, I was sitting with Olivia, and she looks down at this text message and she goes, You are the farthest person from sensitive I have ever met. I... Yeah. Vulnerable? I will be vulnerable. There is a couple stories that I will always tell to my class to make them be able to see, like, Hey, like, you matter as a medic. Like, the stuff that you go through matters. There's always one story that I tell, I, I always cry. I always cry. I always have a couple people in the class that cry. That is... The most vulnerable that I get. But I feel like they need to be able to see that, to see like, Oh, like, Sergeant isn't a hard ass all the time. Like, she can, she can do that. Like, that kind of stuff. So I am more thick skinned. Stuff doesn't really get to me if someone says something nasty or someone's mean. It's like, okay, well, let's dig deeper into you and what you're going through.

The ONE STORY THAT MAKES HER CRY
21:19– 24:49 Rylee What's the story? I was, I don't remember if I was an A1C or if I was a senior airman, but I had a patient came in. I am, most of my career has been in women's health. I adore women's health. It is my career. It's my passion. It's what I strive to be. I had this patient come in and she had a birth control implant in her arm. It's called the Nexplanon. It's good for five years. She'd only gotten it placed about four months prior to that. Typically, we like to wait about six months before we do anything to take it out. She comes in and she just goes, she goes, I want it taken out. And I was like, okay, well, like, let's talk about it. What is happening? Like, are you having bad side effects? Do you not like it? She was very short. She was very cold. She was avoiding eye contact. She goes, I just want it out. I was like, okay, well, you know, like, let's see. And I was like, trying to just dig a little bit deeper. Because I could tell that there was something else that she needed. And... We just kept talking and She's like I'm not seeing anyone like I'm not I'm not with anyone like there's no point of me having birth control And I was like, okay, but that doesn't mean like in a couple months You're not going to meet someone and you're not going to you know, do whatever and she got upset and I had We always have, we always have the questions and the question that we always ask is, Are you, are you suicidal? Do you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or hurting others? And my back is to her because I'm typing on the computer. I can hear her like shuffling around. I ask the question and Typically, if someone's going to ask that question and you're not suicidal, they're going to say no right away. If there's any type of hesitation, all of my flags are drawn. If there's any hesitation, I am focused on you 100% and she hesitated. I turned around and I said, what's going on? And she... She became the most angry, I think, that I've ever seen someone. And I looked at her, and she still wasn't looking at me, and she had like hot tears, like just streaming, and her fists were like clenched up. And I asked her if she had been assaulted, and she very quickly said no. So I call on the phone and I have someone else step in the room so that I can leave because I'm not going to leave her in the room alone. I go back to the provider, I said like, hey, I don't really know what's happening. She kind of hesitated, like something, something's off. I later ended up finding out that, this was the same day, it was like all within an hour, but she, Was being assaulted by about, it was seven or eight of her male coworkers. And she thought that if she were able to get the birth control removed that she would get pregnant that they would stop doing it. And everything in my heart just broke for her. She had said that she had become suicidal and she didn't want to continue just because she had been going through all of this. And it was, it was terrible and I walked her upstairs and I sat with her in mental health for about 20 minutes until she was called back and she said thank you and she went back and I went upstairs the next day to like check and see like what was going on and she had checked herself out and I don't know what happened to her. I don't feel guilt because I know in my heart and my soul that I did everything that Rylee, that I could do and I did everything as a medic that I could do to help her. I gave her the resources, I was there, but there's only a certain level that I can take back home with me or else it becomes too much for me and my mental health.

Importance of learning the skill DETACHMENT
24:50 - 25:28 Rylee I think that that's when, like, I really learned how to detach. I went back to my, my favorite captain ever and I went into her office and I was so angry and I just was like, there's so much more that we could have done. And she told me that she was like me. She's a  PA and she would go home and she would write in her notebook about these patients that she couldn't stop thinking about and she wouldn't force herself. She would have to detach from them or else she was just going to keep carrying the burden of the what ifs.

ADVICE to someone who’s had near identical experiences and hardwired the same way
25:42 – 26:44 Rylee Yeah, everyone, everyone has a story. At the end of the day, the people that you walk by on the street, everyone has a story. Everyone is here for whatever reason. Everyone has gone through their own hardships. No one has a perfect life. And I think it's just being able to, going back to being vulnerable, being vulnerable with them, being able for, to be scrolling on social media and be like, wow, like, I can relate to this, and I can't believe that they're sharing this part of their life or this part of their story, I think being vulnerable and being able to be there for other people, to what degree you want to be there for other people, that's up to you, but for someone else to be able to see the story and be like, oh, like, that was me however many years ago, or that is me right now, I think it's, I think it's a good thing.

When dredging up memories is painful and draining, what she does to cope with it all
26:51 - 28:02 Rylee I have never been this happy, this content, this just at peace with where my life is at right now. I have myself. I have a beautiful house. I have a car. I have my dog. I have everything that I need. Shout out to Beau. What a guy. He, but when those negative thoughts come back, it's like taking two steps, two steps backwards to take one step forward. I can't keep doing that. Can't keep going backwards. I have to keep going forward. I have to keep going towards those goals. I don't have the time to take those steps backwards. Do I allow them to come? Yeah, sure. I'll allow the negative thoughts to come and process them as they come. But I don't dwell on them. I don't sit in them. Got to keep pushing.

Unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love
28:15 – 29:51 Rylee What's an unusual thing that I, Does it have to be food related? Okay. I love cracking bones. I feel like that's not even that weird, but I love cracking bones. I don't know my neck. Like fingers. Other people's fingers. I love it. Or it's like if I hear someone else cracking their bones, like right now, like I'm itching to crack my fingers. I do it all the time.

When thinking of the word successful, the first person that comes to mind and why
30:00 – 30:51 Rylee My Dad. He's been a cop my entire life. He became a police officer when he was 21, actually. He retired after, I believe it was 25 years. He now gets to travel the country and teach on mental health. He was actually here at this hotel about two weeks ago doing a different thing, but he travels around teaching different police units and dispatch units about mental health and de-escalation.  And he actually came into my ALS class and taught and now he teaches with them. But it's great. And he's just completely transformed because I did get to see my dad go through depression. And I did get to see that when after everything and seeing where he's at now, he's doing great.

Purchase of a $100 that has most impacted her life
31:05 – 31:30 Rylee My Dog, he was $50 at the pound. What were you going to say? Okay. The ring light was a great purchase. It was a great investment, but no, definitely Beau. He's a shelter dog. He's a mutt. He's best puppy ever.

When thinking of a movie image that depicts leadership, who or what comes to mind
31:33 – 32:25 Rylee I just watched this movie with my class the other day. I can't think of the name of it. There's two that come to mind. They're like the classic, like, military movies. Pitsenbarger And Hacksaw Ridge and they're both medics. And I'm like, wow, like, it's so funny. After I show those movies, my classes are always like, Sergeant, we want to go do like, hot medic stuff. Like, we want to go out there. And I was like, that was during Vietnam, guys. Like, we're not, this isn't Vietnam. We've advanced since then, but just being able to see, like, what they did and how selfless they were and how much they stood their ground to be able to get their people out and be able to save their people. And Pitsenbarger actually gave his life to be able to save the people. So again, incredible.

If Rylee were given a billboard and could place it anywhere in the world with her message on it for the world to see, where would it be and what would her message say
32:27 - 33:45 Rylee In the middle of Times Square 100 percent.So much traffic there it’s great advertising. You have to get the message out, the most amount of traffic and numbers. We are going for volume here. I'd advertise well. What would my message be? Oh gosh, there's so many. Probably something about strength and bravery. I said the Winnie the Pooh quote yesterday, you're stronger than you know, braver than you think. And, like Josh said yesterday, Dude's got some fire quotes and it's great and it really is true and I said yesterday that strength Everyone holds strength and bravery, but it comes out in different times to different levels to different degrees. Whatever is needed and there's always going to be those people that have that doubt. I'm not strong enough to do that I'm not brave enough to do that. They have it inside of them But it's up to them to determine when it's going to show and when it's going to come out and when they're going to Be able to use it to their advantage or when it's going to come out to show to their disadvantage.

What the hero of her story wants
33:48 – 34:00 Rylee The hero of my story…To change lives. I want to, I want to change lives.

Outro
34:10 Rylee Thank you. I appreciate it so much. This is a beautiful coin. It's going to go on my shelf. It's going to go front and center. I appreciate it. No, I am so grateful to be able to be given these opportunities to come out here and do stuff like that. Like I said, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I think our paths cross for a reason, whether that's mentorship, leadership, a friend, whatever. But thank you and I genuinely appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Movie and People mentioned:
Hacksaw Ridge
William Pitsenbarger

Quote: “Life is a journey, and you are expected to find your path…. except there is no GPS to help you navigate, and that can be scary, especially if you feel alone. However, one of the best things about the unknown are the people you meet along the way. People who are strong and inspire.

Key Takeaways:
In conclusion, the podcast episode with Rylee is a testament to the power of resilience, the importance of mental health advocacy, and the transformative potential of personal growth. It's a story of hope, courage, and unwavering determination, offering valuable insights and inspiration for everyone navigating their own journeys of growth and healing.

More info about the guest:
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/ryeroast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryeroast
IG: https://www.instagram.com/rye.roast/